Saturday, June 13, 2009

Emotional transience

We have become entities in transition. The events of our lives fly by in an endless stream. The connections we form are fleeting, short-lived. We seem to bestow our feelings readily, yet they are ephemeral, wanting in depth and strength. We share our intimacy and love, our past memories, present experiences and future dreams easily and effortlessly thus devaluing the meaning of the sharing. We initiate friendships and relationships effortlessly and just as easily abandon them with little hesitation, remaining unscarred and oblivious to the hurt we leave behind. Emotional experiences fail to confer a lasting trace in our minds.
Our need for human connections remains. However, it has been transformed from enduring relationships to intense but passing attachments, resolution of which leaves us seeking the next person to temporarily fulfill our needs and then the one after. We have lost our ability to unreservedly dedicate ourselves to someone else, to nurture the deep bound that endures the happiest and the most tragic of times, to place the other person above ourselves and to receive their devotion in return.
The unremitting quest of the elusive perfect relationship is destined to fail in the vicious circuit created by our own imperfections. Our inability to sustain our feelings for our mate and to nurture their sentiments when the excitement of the novelty of the association has disappeared leads us to abandon a potentially life-defining relationship in the pursuit of the next better-suited person. Or give up when we fail…And accept that in a world full of humans, we are utterly alone…

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The other me...

I am who I am...The person that I want to be, the sensitive, caring, optimistic, believing in people...the good person...it is disappearing and I have more difficulty finding her. The real me, the insensate, distant, protected by a wall cynic...I have been her and I am more deeply becoming her, loosing hope and hold on the good me. I would blame the "world" for loosing this battle to become the good person that I should be...However, the cynic-me believes in everyone taking responsibility for who they are, what they believe and feel and how they behave. Trying to be better is painful. Being a cynic is easier, and helps to avoid pain. So, the truth is that I am who I am by my own choice...