http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svxP2LjBg_4&feature=related
"Behind These Hazel Eyes"

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvkXyq6qfEY

"I Hate Myself For Losing You"

I woke up today
Woke up wide awake
In an empty bed
Staring at an empty room
I have myself to blame
For the state I'm in today
And now dying
Doesn't seem so cruel
And oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway
Anymore

I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?

You got what you deserved
Hope you're happy now
'Cause everytime I think of her with you
It's killing me
Inside, and
Now I dread each day
Knowing that I can't be saved
From the loneliness
Of living without you
And, oh
I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew

I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?

I hate myself for losing you
And oh, I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew
And oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway
Anymore
No, no

I hate myself for losing you
(I'm seeing it all so clear)
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?
What do you say when everything you said
Is the reason why he left you in the end?
How do you cry when every day you shout
"Don't ever bring him back again?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B20PorkijXg

"If I Can't Have You"

Hearts break too fast when they're sentimental
Won't stay, won't last when it's love at first sight
So why are my convictions blinded by your spotlight
Can't breath, can't sleep
Need some medication
I've kissed goodbye to my reservations
I know there's other fish out in the seas
Not for me
I want you


If I can't have you
Then I don't want anyone
I don't want anyone
If I can't have you
Then only damage has been done, baby
We can break these rules
If you wanna have some fun
If you wanna have some fun
Think of all the love that you will lose
If I can't have you
If I can't have you

Heartbeat cold sweat
Thoughts slippin' under
Can't fight no threat
'Cause there's just no use
One look, no hesitation I'm slipping into you
Forgive these eyes, these lips you're tastin'
No time to waste on an invitation
My shame, my self-control has suffered enough
And everybody wants to be loved
If I can't have you
If I can't have you
I haven't seen the best that love has had to offer
They say perfection's always right around the corner
Could be true
But if I can't have you
If I can't have you
If I can't have you
If I can't have you
Think of all the love that you will lose
If I can't have you

Where am I...

I feel that I do not belong...as if parts of one's life are protected from me, as if I am held away, as if there is a need to not let me in...or do I just imagine it...

The complexity of the mind

The complexity of our thoughts, emotions, actions, our entire life is created in the eternal connections of our mind. The subconsciousness drives every aspect of our identity and yet we cannot unravel it, analyze it or control it. Its very existence is denied by our always powerful, protective consciousness. How deep, how complex it is we cannot even imagine or believe, the reality and the perceptions tangled together, leaving us wandering in mental uncertainty, questioning every condition. Is there desire to protect the place of escape from the reality of me? Is there a place for me in that existential niche? Or is it a drive to preserve alternate state formulation? Is there a subconscious wish to face the past realities again, to see and feel them, a search for reconnection? Regret that they have come to pass?