It is exhausting to maintain control of your life, of your emotions....I keep controlling them, because I know that if I do not, I will be so hurt that it is scary to even imagine. I have always protected myself and so I have not been hurt much. I am not sure that I would know how to recover from pain...It gets harder and harder to control things and keep myself safe on my own, I feel that the effort to protect me is draining all my emotional energy...And it is so tempting to just let go and let the emotions take me where they will...But the end result is absolutely clear to me, there is no possible happy outcome from that for me at all, it will be very painful and destructive to me...And i cannot afford that...I have to do what I can to protect myself from emotions!!!
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